Suspicion Level: []

Initiate Hugh Mann Command Line

Type 'help' + Enter -- for available commands.

      »Help

      Type '[command]' + Enter

      List of basic commands:

      • 'help' -- Display this list of commands
      • 'look' -- Examine a nearby object
      • 'talk' -- Attempt conversation with people nearby

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Error

      Input not recognized - please check spelling and try again.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      »UFO

      This is your ship - ordinarily, it would be floating off the ground.
      The crash landing and damaged components, however, make that somewhat difficult.
      You'll need to find some replacement parts to get the ship running again.

      Parts Needed: Tools Radioactive Fuel Star Map

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Welcome Sign

      It's a somewhat worn-down road sign that says "Welcome to Rust Belt!"

      Below that, someone wrote:
      "Robots trying to take our jobs will be shot on sight!"

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      It's a mound of rocks. There's nothing special about them, and they're not particularly useful. You pick one up anyway, out of pity.
      [Got a Useless Rock!]

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      You've already picked up one useless rock - you really don't need another.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Gas Station Attendant

      An old man, aged 50-60, who appears to be partly or completely blind. This may explain why his glasses don't have lenses. It does not, however, explain the fake mustache.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Gas Man: Hello? Is somebody there?
      Gas Man: Don't let my glasses fool you - I'm mostly harmless!
      Gas Man: Here - you can have one of my spares!

      [Got the Novelty Disguise!]

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Gas Man: What am I doing out here, you ask? Great question!
      Gas Man: I'm running the only organic gas station in the entire Midwest!
      Gas Man: Sure, my vegetable oil doesn't give much - or any! - power...
      Gas Man: ...but one taste and you'll see that it's the tastiest fuel around!

      [Got some Vegetable Oil!]

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Gas Man: Oh, well hel~lo there!
      Gas Man: I can't help but notice that you have your hands on a work of art!
      Gas Man: I will gladly part with my tools to get my hands all over those articles!

      [Exchanged Dirty Magazine for Spare Tools!]

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Gas Man: Hello? Are you still there?
      Gas Man: Oh, no - they took my things and left!
      Gas Man: Just like the damn Feds...and my ex-wife...

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      »Swings

      It's a swingset made for young children (and drunk adults).

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Tree(s)

      One of many trees in this area. Like the rest of this town, it too suffers from neglect and ignorance of the environment.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      This tree seems to have a kite stuck in its branches.
      What do you want to do about this?
      jump - Jump up and grab the kite from the tree. nothing - Do nothing.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Inattentive Mother

      A (relatively) young woman who is thoroughly invested in something on her phone. Her child, less than 20 feet away, is thoroughly ignored.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Mother: Please don't talk to me right now - I'm about to beat my record in Happy Bird.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      (She's preoccupied with her phone, and isn't even looking up.)
      Mother: You don't look like you're from around here, mister.
      Mother: Go away - I don't give out money to vagrants.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      (She's still not really looking up from her phone.)
      Mother: I still smell something, so I know you're still there.
      Mother: There are homeless shelters that can deal with people like you.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      (She seems a little more annoyed now.)
      Mother: Sir, I spent quite a lot on this perfume. It was the best they had at MalMart.
      Mother: I can't appreciate it with your stench all over me.
      Mother: I'd appreciate it if you left.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Mother: Sir, this is your last warning.
      Mother: If you keep pestering me, I will have to divert my attention away from mobile games.
      Mother: I don't think either of us want that.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Small Child

      A small child, who appears to have been deprived of love and attention for some time. Judging from his appearance, however, he clearly does not lack for sugary snacks.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Child: Hey mister! Do you think you could help me?
      Child: My kite's stuck, and my mom is neglecting me again to look at her phone.
      Child: Could you help me get it down?

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Child: Wow, mister - how did you jump that high?
      Child: I've seen people jump down a lot, but never jump up that high!
      Child: Well, anyway, thanks for getting my kite back!
      Child: Here's my way of saying thanks!

      [Got a Dirty Magazine!]

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Child: That was a really good throw, mister!
      Child: It was just like that time my dad got my cat down from the roof!
      Child: Thank you for helping me - here, I'd like you to have this!

      [Got a Dirty Magazine!]

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Child: Thanks again for the help, mister!

      Child: Hey mister - where are your clothes?
      Child: My dad sometimes doesn't have clothes, too.
      Child: But there's usually policemen around, then.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Child: Mister, why are you in the park?
      Child: You're not here to offer kids candy, are you?

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Child: My mom said not to talk to strangers with different skin colors.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Child: Stay away! Stranger Danger!

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Food Service Employee

      A young man whose hopes and dreams are as alive as the burgers he flips.
      He seems to be fighting either sleep deprivation or mild intoxication.
      (Possibly both.)

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Fast Food Guy: Oh - a customer!
      Fast Food Guy: Hello, sir (or madam)! Do you want a free sample of our burgers?
      Fast Food Guy: Don't worry 'bout the chunks - they're not all inedible.

      Take a sample? yes
      no

      Fast Food Guy: Not really sure what you meant by that, sir.
      Fast Food Guy: Let's try this again - would you like a free sample?

      Take a sample? yes
      no

      Fast Food Guy: Woah, dude - you didn't actually have to take the sample!
      Fast Food Guy: I'm impressed, bro. I gotta respect that kind of bravery.
      Fast Food Guy: Let me know if you need anything else! Or if you start glowin'.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Fast Food Guy: No problems, my man - I've fished ramen out of the trash that was healthier than this crap.
      Fast Food Guy: If you need anything else, just let me know.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Fast Food Guy: Woah, dude - I'm gonna need to see a shirt before you get any service, alright?

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Fast Food Guy: You're weirding me out here, man.
      Fast Food Guy: I don't have any stuff to discuss with you, alright?

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Fast Food Guy: Hey, man - please go away.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Fast Food Guy: Okay, you're really just being too weird here, bro.
      Fast Food Guy: If you don't stay back, I'mma have to call the cops, bro.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Fast Food Guy: Dude - what are you doing?
      Fast Food Guy: I'm pretty sure we use that stuff to kill the rats we use for meat.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Fast Food Guy: I've got to sell some burgers, but the oil in my frier's starting to eat through the floor.
      Fast Food Guy: We need some vegetable oil here that doesn't set off Geiger counters, man.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Fast Food Guy: Wait, you actually want this radioactive sludge?
      Fast Food Guy: Hey, man, I'm not judging - I'm down to make a trade.
      Fast Food Guy: Thanks a lot, bro. Now I can get back to not earning a living wage!

      [Traded Vegetable Oil for Radiactive Waste!]

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Fast Food Guy: Hey, thanks again for the help, bro.
      Fast Food Guy: Gotta make sure our inedible slop is quality slop, am I right?


      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Teacher: Hey dude - enjoying the summer weather?
      Teacher: I would be - if Mercury wasn't in retrograde.
      Teacher: It's really harshing my mellow.
      Teacher: Anyway, what's your Zodiac sign?
      Teacher: A metal man? I knew it would come to this- first the smart phones, then the 5G!
      Teacher: I WILL BE THE HUMAN RESISTANCE!
      Teacher: Why just last week, I smashed my toaster for giving me a sideways glance.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Teacher: A metal man? I knew it would come to this- first the smart phones, then the 5G!
      Teacher: I WILL BE THE HUMAN RESISTANCE!
      Teacher: Why just last week, I smashed my toaster for giving me a sideways glance.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Teacher: Hey, man, your skin's looking a really rich shade of gray.
      Teacher: What brand of colloidial silver are you using?

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Teacher: Dude, you need to unplug - you literally have an antenna coming out of your head.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Teacher: So, uh, not accusing you or anything, but...can you divide by zero for me?

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Teacher: A metal man? I knew it would come to this- first the smart phones, then the 5G!
      Teacher: Why just last week, I smashed my toaster for giving me a sideways glance!
      Teacher: I WILL BE THE HUMAN RESISTANCE!

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Teacher: Groovy! Although... are you sure you don't need this?
      Teacher: You do look a bit - shiny.
      Teacher: Alright - but take this star map, gotta keep up that karma.
      [Got a Star Map!]

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Teacher: Here's your horoscope : you'll do a kind favor for a total stranger.
      Teacher: Completely unrelated - I'm looking to do a heavy metal detox to clense my chakras.
      Teacher: But I need a rare and expensive stone to do so.
      Teacher: Would you happen to have one?

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Teacher: That doesn't sound right... and I would know.
      Teacher: After all, I'm the school's one and only astronomy professor.
      Teacher: Or is it astrology? I get the two mixed up sometimes.
      Teacher: So tell me your Zodiac sign.
      Teacher: Thanks again for bringing harmony to my little corner of the cosmos, man.

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      Teacher

      A man, somewhere between 25 and 35. He keeps chattering to himself about star signs and energy crystals. Perhaps the humans have mastered space travel after all?

      [Enter] - Return to main menu

      HughMann:/$